You can’t do it for them… honest, I’ve tried!
You can not diet for them. You can’t exercise for them. You can not manage their money for them. And…
You can’t get rid of their stuff and arrange for them.
However bad it gets.
Believe me, I have tried. I’ve begged, pleaded, coerced, and nagged.
You see, like many married couples and partnerships, my hubby and are I are complete opposites. What I see as crap, he sees as treasure. What I see as broken, he sees as fixable. What I wish to discard, he wishes to keep.
For thirty-seven years we’ve been doing this dance. A dance where we step on each others toes — a lot!
What I had to learn from this dancing, often the hard way, was that I could not do so for him. I couldn’t force him. Threaten him.
There was not any way to move this man until he was ready. Until he saw the value of doing this.
When I pushed before he was ready, that only made us both crazy. And, his toes just dug in deeper. No way to move a boulder that large.
So, what do we do if we wish to have a neat and tidy house, well arranged, with a place for everything and everything in its place IF our partners do just the opposite?
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It is a question that I hear frequently, how do I “create” my husband (wife, lover, children, family member, roommate… ) eliminate their mess and clean up after themselves?
Good question and the answer is multi-faceted, layered, and often complicated.
However, the simple answer is this — > You Can’t!
You can’t make them do anything. It only happens when they’re prepared, when they see the value of doing this, or, something kicks them into gear to take action.
To accomplish the job.
That’s if you wish for sustainable success as well as a more peaceful relationship!
Badger someone into submission, or toss their stuff without permission, and a war of wills is waged.
Nobody wins when that happens. Yep, been there with this, too!
So, what do you do, you ask?
Here are three useful tips…
Tip #1. Recognize your definition isn’t theirs. Believe it or not, there is no one definition of clutter. Each person sees it differently. What you see as clutter, isn’t necessarily how they view it. So, get clear on your definitions of clutter, organized and tidy. This will assist with tip #2.
Tip #2. Set some rules and boundaries. Sit down with your spouse or family and hash these out together. Define what regions of the home are communal — those used by all regularly. What areas are personal? And, what areas are considered totally “off limits” by anyone but you. Determine what is allowed, or not, in every area of the home, but especially the communal ones. These are the ones that cause the most conflict. Set the bounds clearly AND discuss what happens if these boundaries are crossed.
Show by example. Get started and do your own places. Begin with you! When you show by doing, it receives the energy moving and often your spouse and family will follow. You might begin with “Throw Away Thursdays.”
And, remember it is baby steps. However small the step, acknowledge it as a step in the right direction. Those very small steps do build on each other with amazing results.
To Learn More please visit:
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